Ninja Nonsense Ep 13
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: Just messing around


I don't own these characters or profit from them.

Clayton Overstreet's Ninja Nonsense

Sasuke: What is going on? We finished the last episode! We even did several alternate endings! And they never made a sequel. What's going on?

Onsakumaru: Yes, but this is a fan fic. Anything could happen. Like it could turn out that Shinobu is the daughter of Naruto and Hinata and they you are secretly… (Rips off Sasuke's mask)

Sasuke: (Revealed as Sasuke Uchiha) No! (Covers his face) The world will know my shame! (Grabs his mask back and puts it on.)

Ninja Nonsense Episode 13a: Kaede's First Kiss

Kaeda and Shinobu walked hand in hand up to the steps of the ninja academy and through the front gates. "The whole place is deserted."

"I think I hear something." Shonobu said. They walked in to the main building. Kaede could hear it now two. Loud sobs.

Onsakumaru said, "This place is so depressing since Shinobu left!"

"Aw, they missed me!" She whispered.

He continued, "Even Kaede doesn't come around any more. The female ninja all stay away. I'm stuck here with nothing but guys!"

The ninjas all nodded and said, "We miss her so much!"

"Perverts," Kaede mumbled.

Shinobu did not hear her. Instead she threw open the door and said, "I'm back everyone!"

They stared at her in shock and then the whole herd rushed forward to surround the girls. "Shinobu's back! She's back!"

Pressed up against her chest Onsakumaru said, "What are you doing back so quickly?"

"I flunked out," Shinobu said.

"What? You disgraced this school by being kicked out of Bogwarts in only three days!" Onsakumaru asked angrily. The other ninjas backed away.

Shinobu looked down. "It wasn't my fault. They wanted me to learn seduction techniques and I…" She blushed and glanced at Kaede who looked away. Then Shinobu grabbed her arm and pulled her close. "I thought I would be disloyal to Kaede to do that."

"Me?" Kaede said. "Look Shinobu I care about you and all, but I'm not even sure I like girls like that."

"You don't?" Shinobu asked, her eyes shining with tears. "You know I love you, right Kaede?"

"I know but…"

"But nothing!" Onsakumaru said. "I can not believe you would disgrace us over something like this." The ninjas all nodded solemly.

Shinobu started crying. "I'm sorry!"

Spurred into the defense of her friend Kaede said, "Hey! That's not fair. She graduated didn't she? This trip was just like…extra training, right?"

"True, but it was not to be undertaken if failure was an option."

"Actually they said I was good enough to pass everything if my old master could devise a suitable test for me," Shinobu said.

Onsakumaru said, "Really?" Shinobu handed him a note. He read it while floating in the air. "I see. Then there is only one thing to do. A contest! You against the other ninjas." He glanced at Kaede. "Will you help?"

"I don't know…" She said.

"Please Kaede. If I fail this I'll be a disgrace to my entire family and the school."

Kaede sighed. "Fine. I'll help."

"Fantastic!" Onsakumaru said. "Then the contest will be a race. Between all the ninjas here. The first one to the sumit of the nearby mountains will get Kaede's first kiss!"

"Really?" Everyone in the room said. Shinobu smiled hugely and grabbed Kaede's hand. "Thank you Kaede! It's what I always wanted.

Kaede's eyes widened in shock. "What? Wait I never agreed to-" Onsakumaru transformed into his human shape and put a hand over her mouth.

"And now that it's decided I will carry her to the top of the mountain!"

"Oh no you don't!" Another voice said. Miyabi stepped into the room. "I know you. You'll claim that you made it to the top of the mountain first and claim the kiss for yourself."

"I would never-" The ninjas all glared at him. "Okay, maybe."

Summoning floating hands Miyabi said, "I'll take her up there. And if you are going to participate then you aren't allowed to fly!"

"Yeah!" They all screamed.

"Damn it!" Onsakumaru said.

The floating hands picked up Kaede and Miyabi. Kaede squirmed. "Wait a minute! I don't want to do this!" But her words faded as she was dragged outside and into the sky.

Shinou said, "I don't know Onsakumaru. Is it right to do this?" All the other ninjas were applying breath freshener and looking excited.

"Trust me Shinobu, nothing could be more right." He licked his hand and ran it over the top of his bald head while looking in a mirror. "Yeah baby, I am sexy-sexy."

"I guess," Shinobu said uncertainly. "So what are the rules?"

"No rules," he said, eyes still on his reflection. "First one there wins."

Sasuke ran to the window. "Oh my god! Look!:" He pointed to the sky. "A cloud shaped like a bunch of nude girls!"

All the ninjas ran to the window. Onsakumaru pushed his way to the front. "Where?" He looked around excitedly.

"Uh, Master," Shinobu said. "Have we started the race yet?"

"No, why?"

"Because Sasuke just ran out towards the mountain."

"What?" The ninjas all turned and ran for the door. Then they ran back to check the window again just in case, and then they headed out again. "The race is on!"

Kaede was tied up to a pole at the top of the mountain, cold winds blowing over her. She was dressed up in a kimono. "Why are you doing this?"

Miyabi said, "I heard what Shinobu said. She'll be devistated if she fails this test."

"Yeah, but why does she have to kiss me?"

Miyabi looked at her. "Why not?"

"Well we're both… I mean…"

"Shinobu is always saying how much she likes you," Miyabi said. "And you must like her. You spend all your time together."

"We're friends."

"Well Shinobu loves you," Miyabi said. Her eyes narrowed. "You aren't going to break her heart, are you?"

Feeling a jolt of fear, knowing how protective the little sorceress was of her sister," Kaede said, "No, of course not. I just think she and I need to have a long talk…"

"Hey look!" Miyabi pointed down the mountain. From where they were they could see several of the ninjas already working their way throuh the trees. "You don't think one of the other ninjas will win do you?"

"Isn't Shinobu the best?"

Miyabi rolled her eyes. "With these guys that isn't saying much."

Kaede remembered the time they had sparred with the girls ninja school. "No kidding."

"Some of them are kind of cute under their masks," Miyabi said. She held up a picture so the audience ouldn't see.

"I guess…" Kaede said, not really feeling anything. "Without the masks they look kind of like the guys at my school."

"So you don't have a boyfriend?" Miyabi asked.

"No, not yet," Kaede said.

"That's weird. Aren't you in hgh school? I thought only real losers didn't have boyfriends by the time they were your age."

Kaede frowned. "Shut up!"

Shinobu made her way quickly through the trees. "I have to get there first! I can't lose!"

Suddenly her feet were yanked out from under her and she hung upside down in a tree. Onsakumaru appeared out of the woods. "Ha! Caught you!" He smiled. "And with you out of the way nobody will beat me." Shinobbu didn't say anything. "Nothing to say about my awesomeness?"

There was a puff of smoke and suddenly a log replaced Shinobu in the tree. "A replacement jutsu! Oh no!" He was interupted as another ninja jumping from tree to tree briefly landed with a foot in his face before vanishing again. "Ow!"

Miyabi was sleeping in a giant floating green hand. Other ninjas including Devil the crocodile were ont heir way up the mountain. Kaede groaned. "My first kiss and it's going to be with these weirdos." Suddenlys he felt something brush her wrists. Lookging down she saw her wrists untying themselves. "Oh no, it must be one of the other ninjas! Shinobu never mastered that invisibility trick."

"Actually I did," Shinobu said and appeared next to her. She looked down and saw the other ninjas coming. "Hey, I won, why aren't they stopping?"

"Because they're a bunch of perverts," Kaede said.

"Good point." Shinobu brought out her flying kite. "Quick Kaede, hold on."

"Not that thing again!"

"We could stay here…"

Looking down at the approaching ninjas Kaede said, "Fine." She grabbed the rope and they lifted up into the air. "I hate this thing!"

They landed on the roof of Kaede's house and made their way down to her window and inside. Once there Kaede sat on her bed and glared at Shinobu. "I guess now you'll want to kiss me, huh?"

Shinobu said, "Well yeah. But I wasn't going to."

"You weren't?"

"No way!" She smiled. "I love you Kaede. And I would be a pretty terrible person if I took your first kiss, right?"

"Why would you want to kiss me anyway?"

Shinobu smiled. "Well you'r real prety, and smart, and you're my best friend… so as much as I want to I would never force you to-" She was interrupted when Kaede moved forward and kissed her. Shinobu squealed in surprise, but kissed back. When they broke apart she said, "What did you do that for?"

"Because…" Kaede thought. Finally she said, "I guess because I wanted to." She blushed. "Uh, it wasn't too bad was it?"

"No I liked…" She turned and threw a ninja star at the window. Kaede turned and saw it hit the camera that Onsakumaru and the ninjas were pointing at them. They yelled and fell out of sight, hitting the ground with a loud crash. Shinobu turned back to Kaede. "I liked it. But I was always taught you can only get really good at something by training." She reached out and took Kaede's hand.

"Oh?" Kaede said, blushing bright red. Then she turned and kicked the door to her room shut. There was a crash. When she opened it she saw her parents sitting there with a camera. "What are you doing?"

"Oh you two were just so cute!" Her mom said.

Her father nodded. "And we've always wanted a daughter."

"I'm your daughter!" Kaede snarled and shut the door. She glanced at Shinobu. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay. You know it'll be good training trying to keep everyone from spying on us."

Kaede sighed. "It's going to be like this forever, isn't it?"

Shinobu took her hand again. "Yeah I think so."

Kaede smiled. "Okay."

Ninja Nonsense Episode 13b: The Beautiful Shrine Maiden

Kaede sighed and looked at her school books. "My life is over."

"What's wrong Kaede?" Shinobu asked, opening her window and coming inside.

Kaede looked up at her. "It's my school. Since the series ended without actually showing it the thing doesn't exist any more. And I'm not getting paid for the show."

"What's all this then?" Shinobu asked, looking around.

"It's a fan fic. And the author doesn't make any money off of it."

"Well don't' worry Kaede, I just know that I can help you find a job."

Kaede looked at her nervously. "Uh, maybe that's not such a good idea."

They were sitting at the ninja academy while Onsakumaru nodded sagely. "I see the problem. Well we have plenty of jobs you can do around here." He smiled lecherously. "Let's start with swimsuit modeling!"

Miyabi slapped him. "Forget about it."

Kaede sighed. "Look, the series ended before I could even finish school. What kind of job am I going to get?"

"Can you say 'Would you like fries with that?'" Sasuke asked.

Kaede glared at him. "Not funny."

Miyabi said, "I have an idea. There's a shrine just down the hill from the ninja academy. It's been abandoned for years."

"A shrine?"

"They could use a new priestess and you get free room and board. The offerings pay you in exchange for doing the rites and maintaining the shrine."

"That sounds easy enough. But how do I do that?"

"Oh there are books all over the place. The last guy was a crazy old man who let his family live there with him. His daughter in-law, granddaughter, and grandson." She looked up, "And before that the last real monk abandoned the place to some guy and these three weird girls, but he left to open up a car shop."

"Oh, well, we can check it out."

Onsakumaru looked at the other ninjas. "Kaede in a shrine maiden's outfit." They all gave him a thumbs up. Loudly he said, "I think this is a great plan!"

Kaede said, "I am still not sure. Let's go take a look at this place before I make any commitments."

"Sure," Miyabi said.

The shrine was actually pretty nice. There was a large tree outside and a side building with an old well in it. The house had all the modern conveniences and it was half way between the town and the ninja academy.

Kaede looked it over. "This place is really nice. Why aren't there any other people interested in taking it over?"

Miyabi was just coming back from the storeroom. She handed Kaede a box containing a priested robes. Kaede started putting them on. Shinobu helped her.

"Hey!" Kaede said, hiding a grin.

"Sorry," Shinobu said with a grin. "My hand must have slipped."

"Shinobu it doesn't count as slipping when you…" She saw the ninjas watching them. "Jerks."

"Don't be like that," Onsakumaru said. He moved closer and reached for her. "You just have to be open to trying new- Ah!" He screamed as his whole body lit up like he was licking a light socket. Smoking he fell to the ground and twitched.

"What was that?" Sasuke asked.

Miyabi pointed to the symbol on Kaede's back. "This means puity. Only those who are thinking pure thoughts can touch it, provided the wearer is also pure." The other ninjas quickly backed away. She smiled at Kaede. "It looks like you may be a good priestess after all."

"I touched her and I didn't get zapped," Shinobu said.

Miyabi shrugged. "Yeah, but you're in love with her."

"Oh," Kaede and Shinobu said, smiling and blushing at one another.

"What were you asking about?" Miyabi asked.

Kaede said, "I was just wondering why there isn't already a priest here."

"Oh there's some weird stories. They say that the youngest girl who was living here when the monk left somehow opened up a space-time portal. It was sealed off but the next family eventually opened the well and the granddaughter went back in time and fought demons in the feudal era. The demons got out and ate up the whole family before the girl and her white-haired boyfriend with the funny ears defeted it and threw themselves into the well never to be seen again. I think her name was Kagome or something."

"Wow, really?"

"Nobody really believes that story, but people think there's a curse on the place."

"A curse?"

"Yeah, every now and then people claim a demon crawls out of the well and tried to eat people. But nobody believes that."

Kaede looked down at Onsakumaru. Then she thought about all the weird things she had seen since meeting the ninjas. "Right…"

"Since I graduated I could stay too," Shinobu said. "A ninja needs a job and defending a shrine maiden would be great."

Kaede said, "Really?"

Miyabi nodded. "Big sister does need a job. And I could help you learn about being a priestess."

"That sounds good." Kaede smiled and looked around. "Are you guys okay with this?"

"You'll be sticking around?" Sasuke said,

"What else am I going to do? The show is over."

"Hooray!" Everyone cheered.

Shinobu took Kaede's hand in hers and stared into her eyes. "I'll protect you with my life, no matter what happens."

Kaede smiled back. "I know you will."

Onsakumaru shouted, "Break out the sacred wine! It's time to party!" He brushed against Kaede and once again lit up like a christmas tree.

From the small shack housing the well a pair of glowing eyes watched them all and a monster licked its lips.

Preview of the Future

Shinobu looked at Kaede and revealed a swollen belly. "Kaede, guess what? I'm going to have your baby!"

Onsakumaru turned to Kaede. "Kaede, how could you?"

Staring at the swollen belly she shouted, "I have no idea!"

Author's note

I have no intention of continueing this fic. I just paid $50 for Ninja Nonsense and had this idea and since I felt a little cheated paying that much for a 12 episode series I thought it might be fun to do my own ending. The series itself is amazing and ended pretty much with Kaede showing how much she loved Shinobu (more if you take Onsakumaru's idea from the swimming episode and realize we never saw what they were really doingso can safely assume it went the way he imagined) and I just had to write this to get the idea out of my head. Tell me what you think. And keep an eye out for "How to Be an Anime Character" available from Amazon this February.


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